If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
third nipple confirmed
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
