So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
