i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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