How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
