I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
