there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
