My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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