We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
