So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
