it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
