i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
