if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
