I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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