im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You took a bar mat shot.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
