Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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