We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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