so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
