my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
