apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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