I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
