drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
