i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
