That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
