I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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