fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need a burrito and a hug.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
