Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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