She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
be right there i have to get my cape
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
