i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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