I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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