I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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