Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
