There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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