I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
