Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
