I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
