the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Terrible idea I love it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
