hell yes lets make some ravioli
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
