Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
