didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
