i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
