Your tits are I can't wait for
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
