1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
