Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
