All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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