thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
