He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
