watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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