she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
