She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
