And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
